Love may make the world go around, but money quietly determines what that world actually looks like. It decides where you live, whether you can afford to travel, how you recover from emergencies, when or if you have children, and what kind of future you’re able to build together. Yet despite its influence, finances remain one of the most uncomfortable topics for couples to discuss.
For many of us, talking about money feels deeply personal because it is. Financial habits are often shaped long before we enter romantic relationships, influenced by childhood experiences, family dynamics, cultural expectations, and socioeconomic realities. Some people grew up watching parents stretch every dollar. Others witnessed financial secrecy, debt, or instability. Those experiences don’t disappear once we start dating; they often become the invisible framework through which we view money as adults.
That discomfort comes at a cost. When financial conversations are avoided, assumptions fill the gaps. One partner may prioritize saving while the other values spending experiences. One may carry debt they’re too ashamed to disclose, while the other assumes they’re on equal financial footing. Left unaddressed, those differences can evolve into resentment, mistrust, and conflict.
According to financial activist and Moving Beyond Broke author Dasha Kennedy, better known online as @thebrokeblackgirl, one emotion sits at the center of many unhealthy relationships with money: shame. “If I had to narrow it down to one thing, I’d say shame,” Kennedy says. “So many people carry shame around debt, their income, past financial mistakes, or simply not knowing what they were never taught.”
Because money touches nearly every aspect of our lives, from our identity to our sense of security, those feelings…
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